My cousin who is 22 and in the marines is going off to war within a few weeks and he will be gone for a year. So it has been really hard on his girlfriend and mom and dad knowing that he will be gone for a year and will not be home for the holidays. So Brian is shipping out and all is friends and family are there watching as he gets on the bus and rides onto base then within a few days he will fly out for their base in Germany for a few weeks then off to Afghanistan to sever his country. He will not be in the green zone he will be in the hot zone. He is in the special intelligence so nobody knows what he does over there he is out of reach for a few days then he just shows back up again. People have asked him if he could describe it but he said he won’t he said there is no way to describe it. Also I have noticed that he is more jumping around crowds of people he is fine when it’s just the family but out in public he does not like it he is always looking around he also use to smile a lot more than he does not he always looks pissed off now these days. He did describe the food and he said it was shit so that really sucks for all those American’s fighting for our country and getting really shit food to go along with war.
This is his second tour of duty and so during his first tour of duty he called home about a week before and said he was coming home. We were so happy to hear that he was coming home. We all through him a big welcome home party to say thank you and glad you came home save. That is what we are saying to him again come home safe and we are also talking about what we will do when he gets back from war in a year. Last time when he came home me and him went around the country in the summer just driving place and stopping where every where we wanted to stop. That’s what I hope happens this time when he comes home next year that we can take a trip again to where ever he wants. I want to go to the west coast this time because we stayed on the east coast last time so that would be nice to go over there I have only been to the west coast once I would love to go back with my cousin Brian. So I just hope that when he comes home again that we can enjoy each other and he can love life.
Very good so far. I like how you talk about the war and what he says about it, and what you hope you do when he returns home. Try smoothing out the transition between paragraphs. Also, make sure to use your grammar check try putting it into microsoft word and using its grammar check. Keep writing it is an interesting topic and I would like to read it when you are finished.
By: Adam Dolfi on October 15, 2009
at 2:43 pm
Talk more about your cousin. What your cousin looks like and how does it affect him. I felt you talked briefly about Brian on his personality. I think you should write about how he was before the war and how he feels afterwards.
By: junius18 on October 15, 2009
at 2:45 pm